1
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Shouldn't you be at work by now
2
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,580
in your dehumanizing little cubicle
3
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,081
squatting in quiet desperation?
4
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,583
I've got a cold.
5
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,084
[HACKING]
6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,588
I.E., the wussiest of all illnesses.
7
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,089
Come on, get dressed and go to work.
8
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,091
You know I like to have the house to myself
9
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,092
in the late morning.
10
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,094
I hate when people go to work sick.
11
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All they do is hack and cough and spread their germs
12
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and infect everyone else.
13
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[NOISY SNEEZE]
14
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Just to be safe, it might be a good time to update your will.
15
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:43,610
"I, Dilbert, being of sound mind and sound body..."
16
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I can't sign this.
17
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,613
My body isn't sound.
18
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Typo.
19
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"...sound mind and round BODY..."
20
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:53,620
It's just a cold,
21
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,622
and I'm this CLOSE TO FINDING THE CURE.
22
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,124
Look, I've already isolated the virus.
23
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,627
You mean bacteria.
24
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,128
That's a common misconception.
25
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,130
Colds are caused by viruses.
26
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Bacteria are microorganisms that contain no chlorophyll
27
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and multiply by simple division
28
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while viruses
29
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are parasitic polynucleotides
30
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140
surrounded by a layer of protein
31
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which are unable to reproduce
32
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without invading a host cell.
33
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Well, you got a big ol' brain on you.
34
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148
This microscopic, nuclear-powered
35
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,650
intravenous probe
36
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,152
seeks out the cold virus and destroys it
37
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,154
with a highly focused sonic blast.
38
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[SNEEZING]
39
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,660
[SNORTING]
40
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Okay. I don't usually like to do this,
41
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,665
but I feel sorry for you on so many levels.
42
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,667
Here. This'll cure you immediately.
43
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,169
[SNIFFING] Really? What is it?
44
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,170
A placebo.
45
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,673
A placebo. Now that you told me it's a placebo
46
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,174
it's not going to work.
47
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,676
It will if you think it will.
48
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,678
But I already know it's a placebo.
49
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:52,679
Maybe it isn't.
50
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,180
You just said it was.
51
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,682
[SPLUTTERING]
52
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,184
That's precisely the power of the placebo.
53
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,185
No, thanks.
54
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187
I'll try my method.
55
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,693
[HIGH-PITCHED SOUND BLAST]
56
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,700
All right, give me the pill.
57
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:17,704
[EXPLOSION]
58
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,712
[music]
59
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,760
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
60
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773
DILBERT: So, according to the market research
61
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274
the people most likely to buy
62
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,776
our Gruntmaster 6000 product
63
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,278
are the same group who are most likely
64
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,780
to buy UFO abduction insurance.
65
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,281
Maybe we could package them.
66
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,283
[COUGHING]
67
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,787
Alice, you're sick.
68
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Go home.
69
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I'm not sick. You're sick.
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No. I was sick.
71
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,793
Now I'm fine.
72
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294
Oh, good for you.
73
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,797
[COUGHING]
74
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298
It's your fault.
75
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,299
You gave it to me.
76
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,301
Well, you gave it to me before that.
77
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,803
You gave it to me before that.
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00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:57,804
Well, you gave it to me--
79
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,806
You know, we've been passing the same cold
80
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,808
back and forth for seven years.
81
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:02,809
Well, you started it.
82
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
It's these cubicles.
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00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,814
This wouldn't happen if we all had offices with doors.
84
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,815
Or at least if I DID.
85
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,316
Can I have your sick days?
86
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,818
Are you coming down with something?
87
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,320
No, but why waste a sick day when you're sick?
88
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,822
Because you're sick?
89
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,824
Well, I'd rather be sick at the office.
90
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,326
They have soup and tea, and nobody bugs me.
91
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,328
Besides, I'm saving up sick days.
92
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:24,831
I've got nearly, uh, 12,000.
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One day, I'll have enough to call in sick until I retire.
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I'll trade one of my sick days
95
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,337
for a carton of sticky notes.
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00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,339
It'll appear on your desk tomorrow.
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00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,340
I'll give you my sick day
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00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,843
for a box of binder clips and some tape.
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Done and done.
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[COUGHING]
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00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,848
If I had my own office
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I would just lock the door during cold season
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and never come out.
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What about going to the bathroom?
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You know what I mean.
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No. I don't.
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What's the difference?
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00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,860
You'll never have an office in this company...
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00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:54,861
Or any other. Ever.
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You're an engineer.
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00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,363
I can still dream.
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[music]
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[ALL COUGHING]
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00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,380
Look at this.
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It's a minefield of germs.
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[SNEEZES]
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00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,886
Oh, my.
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[COUGHING]
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00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,904
[COUGHING]
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Alice, drink this.
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[music]
122
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:32,458
Ahh... that's good.
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[ALL COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING]
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Lovely day, isn't it?
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Anyway, as you may have heard...
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[SNEEZES]
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...especially you...
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[CHUCKLES]
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...40 percent of our workforce
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has dropped dead from some sort of mysterious illness.
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The heartier folks have just turned into hideous mutants.
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We don't know what's causing it.
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[SNEEZES LOUDLY]
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But we have some hunches...
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[CHUCKLES]
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Funny!
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Be that as it may, the names of these valiant employees
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who died for some reason that cannot be
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conclusively linked to workplace hazards
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have been engraved on the marble wall you see behind us.
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Their sacrifice is an inspiration to us all
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not to mention a cost savings
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that goes directly to the bottom line.
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[ALL COUGHING AND CLAPPING]
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Questions?
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Yes, Loud Howard.
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[LOUDLY] I... I...
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[COUGHS]
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[HOARSE] I've lost my voice.
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Finally! Hooray!
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Thank God!
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Sorry, son. I couldn't hear you.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Oh, me...
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At this time, it gives me great pleasure to do this.
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It also gives me great pleasure to introduce the owner
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of Dogbert's Private Environmental Protection Agency.
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Him.
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My research indicates that there are abnormal levels
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of insect fecal matter present throughout this building.
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And as the black light reveals, even in this very room...
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[ALL GASPING]
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WOMAN: What's that all about?!
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[ALL MUTTERING]
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Highest concentrations of insect fecal matter
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were found to be present on Wally.
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ALL: Eww!
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[DISGUSTED MOANS]
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That's unsavory!
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Gross!
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I can't see.
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WOMAN: Get away from me!
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MAN: Take a shower!
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You're disgusting!
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It's not my fault that flies like me.
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So the insect fecal matter's making us sick?
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00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
No, but I thought it was an interesting side note.
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00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,591
Unfortunately, this building
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like everything that's ever existed
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in the history of the universe, is dying.
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We're doing what we can to make its last hours comfortable.
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[SIREN WAILING]
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MAN: Clear!
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I have two recommendations,
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either of which I can feel more strongly about
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based purely on the size of my fee.
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One is to keep the building on life support indefinitely
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and watch more people mutate and die.
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What if I just pretend to watch?
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What's the other choice?
191
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To build a brand-new, incredibly over-budgeted
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ill-conceived headquarters.
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Excuse me while I weigh those very, uh, weighty choices.
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Does anyone know what "heads" means?
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Excuse me. Can I see you?
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Can't you?
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00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,651
Have I become invisible?!
198
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,153
No.
199
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,155
Woo! You had me scared for a minute there.
200
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,158
I don't understand.
201
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,160
Every day, I water this silk tree
202
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,661
but it hasn't grown an inch.
203
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
It's not a tree that grows silk.
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00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,165
It's made out of silk.
205
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,666
Probably needs more light.
206
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,169
Yeah. Try that.
207
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,671
Uh, by the way, what, with the recent outbreak of disease here
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00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,174
I think you made the right decision
209
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,675
to build a new headquarters.
210
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
That's not why we're moving.
211
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,179
Get over yourself.
212
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,681
There's a much bigger issue at stake here.
213
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:16,682
There is?
214
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:17,683
Yes. Of course.
215
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,186
This building is a rectangle.
216
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,688
Almost square, but not quite.
217
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,690
Do you know what I mean? Rarely.
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00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,193
I've always wanted to work in a building
219
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,695
shaped like an isosceles triangle.
220
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,197
An isosceles triangle?
221
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,699
You think I'm mad, don't you, Dilbert?
222
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:34,700
No.
223
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:35,701
You think I'm stupid?
224
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:36,702
No.
225
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:37,703
Lazy? No.
226
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,205
Fat? No.
227
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,708
Well, I wish I'd married you instead of the hag in my house.
228
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:45,211
I was thinking-- You're gonna need somebody
229
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,713
to oversee the design and organize the move.
230
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,717
Someone with first-rate engineering skills.
231
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,722
An aptitude for problem solving.
232
00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:00,226
Way-above-average intelligence.
233
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,728
No, I think we should use someone
234
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,230
who works at this COMPANY.
235
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,232
Well, I'd like to volunteer.
236
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,733
All I ask in return
237
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736
is for first dibs on any extra offices with doors.
238
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:15,241
Oh... I see your hidden agenda now.
239
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,243
You're the master of the obvious.
240
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,744
Well, no need to flatter me.
241
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,247
You've got the job.
242
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,748
[CHUCKLES]
243
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:25,751
And they said no engineer could have his own office.
244
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,760
I think this would be a great site for the new headquarters.
245
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,262
Let's visit site number two.
246
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,272
[SQUAWKING VIOLENTLY]
247
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,775
Okay, let's visit site number three.
248
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,292
So, I think the choice is pretty obvious.
249
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,294
Right. We build on the cliffside.
250
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,795
Wait. Wait.
251
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:10,796
What about the meadow?
252
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,798
If you wanted the meadow why did you make
253
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,801
such a convincing case for the cliffs?
254
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,304
But the meadow is so picturesque, so peaceful.
255
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,305
It's... perfect.
256
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,306
Alice, tell him.
257
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,310
Uh-huh...
258
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312
Wally, help me out here.
259
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,815
Uh, the meadow's only five minutes from your house.
260
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:30,816
[BUZZING]
261
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,318
Well...
262
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,320
I suppose we could build a cliff
263
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,821
in the meadow!
264
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,323
Get the best of both worlds.
265
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,326
Or we could just wait a week and you'll forget about the cliff.
266
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,327
Will that work?
267
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:42,328
Usually.
268
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,829
Well, in that case, why wait?
269
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:44,830
The meadow it is.
270
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:49,835
And put your office smack dab next to mine.
271
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,346
[OFFICE CHATTER]
272
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,856
[CLEARING THROAT]
273
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:11,857
As you can see,
274
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,359
each floor will be portioned
275
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,860
Into pie-shaped divisions
276
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,862
So that at the center of the pie
277
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,864
Where all the divisions converge
278
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:22,368
Employees will engage in valuable knowledge transfer.
279
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,871
Must... stay... awake...
280
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:28,374
Managers will have private offices
281
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
As will one cunning engineer.
282
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,377
Now, any questions?
283
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,879
[BUZZING]
284
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,881
I'm sorry, I don't speak fly.
285
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,383
Anyone else?
286
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,384
Anybody?
287
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885
What will be the parking situation
288
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,387
at the new headquarters?
289
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,388
Good question.
290
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,390
We will have a state-of-the-art
291
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,891
underground parking structure.
292
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,393
I'll be needing extra headroom.
293
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,397
How about it?
294
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,399
Give it up for the Dil-man.
295
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904
Hold my calls.
296
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,406
Hey, uh, Dilly.
297
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,908
Jimbo, Frankie and I are taking in a ball game tonight.
298
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,910
Afterwards we're going out for pizza, beers,
299
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:05,911
maybe play a little darts.
300
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,912
What do you say?
301
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,913
Who are you?
302
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,916
[LAUGHING] Very funny.
303
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,918
I'm your old pal Tony from Sales.
304
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,420
I know we've never spoken before,
305
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,422
but I love your take on the new headquarters.
306
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424
Brilliant! STROKE OF GENIUS, REALLY.
307
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,426
I'm going to need some extra steps on the staircase.
308
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,428
You know, because of the legs.
309
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,930
Extra half steps on the stairs for multi-pods.
310
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:25,931
I'll see what I can do.
311
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,933
And don't put me next to the boss.
312
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,437
Hey, Dil. Greg from Marketing.
313
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,440
We've never met, would never like each other in normal life,
314
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,442
and yet since I've become reptilian
315
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,943
I feel we have an unspoken bond.
316
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:38,944
Go on.
317
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:39,945
What, with the scales
318
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,947
and what have you, I'll be needing a sink
319
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,449
with scalding hot water to clean myself.
320
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:47,953
Okay. Special scalding hot water valve for reptilian employees.
321
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,455
I'll try.
322
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,957
Oh. Don't put me next to the boss.
323
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:53,959
Hey, Dilby.
324
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,462
Now that I'm an exoskeleton,
325
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,464
I'll need a separate thermostat
326
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,466
so I can keep the temperature in my cubicle
327
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,467
at 94 degrees Fahrenheit.
328
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,968
Otherwise, I'll die.
329
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,970
Special heating ducts for the skinless.
330
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,472
I can't promise anything, but--
331
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973
Okay. I understand.
332
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,975
I'm not afraid of expiring,
333
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,478
but just don't put me next to the boss.
334
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:13,479
Got it.
335
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,995
Hey, watch it.
336
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,497
Sorry.
337
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,498
We need to talk.
338
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,999
Right, right.
339
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,502
You know there's a suggestion box on the fourth floor.
340
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,004
How am I supposed to use a suggestion box?
341
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,507
Maybe you could just hang around the suggestion box
342
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,509
and yell your ideas at people who walk by.
343
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,512
Okay, but I'm going to need special pulleys and slides
344
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:49,014
to get around the office and between floors
345
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,516
and a customized keyboard
346
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,018
and, uh, uh, lower toilets-- much lower.
347
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,020
Okay, I'll check into it.
348
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,022
And I will suck you into my ectoplasm
349
00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,024
if you put me next to the boss.
350
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:01,527
I'll need more leg room.
351
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,029
I have gills and I have to be in water.
352
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,030
I'm also deciduous.
353
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,031
More doorknobs.
354
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,033
I need a butt-rubbing tree.
355
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,535
Butt-rubbing tree, got it.
356
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,537
Keep him away from me.
357
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,541
Okay, I can put the swamp here, a butt-rubbing tree over here,
358
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,042
lower these toilets...
359
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,045
All this just to get your own office.
360
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,046
It's worth it.
361
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:24,049
Do you really believe that all this is happening
362
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,551
because of sick- building syndrome?
363
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,553
I have no reason not to believe it.
364
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,054
What if it's all in their minds?
365
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,556
Everything is in our minds,
366
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,558
but when it causes us to grow an extra leg
367
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,560
I think we need to take it seriously.
368
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,561
Okay, okay.
369
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,562
On a lighter note,
370
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,564
I have a coupon for a free fecal wash.
371
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,065
No, thanks.
372
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,066
On the house.
373
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,067
On the house? Okay.
374
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,075
Wally, you got your stuff packed?
375
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,076
It's time to go.
376
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,078
I'm not going anywhere, Dil-bzzz.
377
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,079
You okay?
378
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,581
Do flies catch cold
379
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,582
or do they just drop dead?
380
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,584
Are you gonna use one of your sick days?
381
00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,585
No way.
382
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,586
[BUZZING]
383
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,588
I've banked 14 years worth of sick days.
384
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,090
It's time to cash them in and retire early.
385
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,592
[BUZZING]
386
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,093
Um... Wally... I hate to do this,
387
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,095
but I think this might be a good time
388
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:12,097
to tell you something.
389
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,098
[BUZZING]
390
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,100
Sick days don't accumulate, they expire.
391
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,101
[BUZZING]
392
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,103
And you can't trade sick days with other people.
393
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,104
[BUZZING]
394
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,606
We've been using you
395
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,608
to steal office supplies for us for years.
396
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,610
It's easier than ordering from the catalog.
397
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,111
[SAD, ANGRY BUZZING]
398
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:34,119
I guess it was kind of cruel in retrospect.
399
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,121
[SPEAKING THROUGH COMPUTER] Uh... Dil-bert?
400
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,623
Yes?
401
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,124
My nose.
402
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,126
It itches.
403
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,628
Try not to think about it.
404
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,631
Otherwise, your whole body will start itching.
405
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:48,634
[FRUSTRATED, ANGRY GRUNTS]
406
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,143
Ah, moving day... exciting, isn't it?
407
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,646
You know, if this works out, maybe we'll do it every year.
408
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,648
What? Move? That's insane.
409
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,150
You've got to learn to think outside the box, Dilbert.
410
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,653
So, who's going to be in the office next to me
411
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:08,654
Where all the action happens?
412
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,155
The nerve center.
413
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:13,158
You've got the whole floor to yourself.
414
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,159
Excellent.
415
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,661
By the way, I forgot to tell you--
416
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,163
I need to make a few minor alterations to the building.
417
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,164
Alterations?
418
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,666
Teeny-tiny. Nothing with nothing.
419
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,167
But... Poquito. Ca va?
420
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,168
Like what?
421
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:24,670
Well, remember that whole thing
422
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,171
about the isosceles triangle?
423
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,674
I had it all wrong. I meant A TRAPEZOID.
424
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,675
It's already been built!
425
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,677
You're in charge. Make it happen.
426
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,679
Check back with me in a week.
427
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,180
That's the spirit!
428
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,182
That's the end of that.
429
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:42,688
[music]
430
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,220
BOSS: Dilbert!
431
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,723
I must say I'm VERY impressed
432
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:22,227
with the way the new headquarters has turned out.
433
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,229
It's so shiny and big.
434
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,731
And white.
435
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,733
And these... portals.
436
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,735
You can actually see through them.
437
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,236
It's a miracle.
438
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,238
You mean the windows.
439
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,741
Yes... and those magical moving stairs.
440
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,243
I mean, where do they all go?
441
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,245
Anyway, you've done a bang-up job.
442
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,247
It's SO perfect.
443
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,749
Thank you.
444
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,250
Yeah, it's so PERFECT.
445
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,752
Too bad we can't afford to stay here.
446
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,754
What?
447
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,255
I just saw the rent allocation budget.
448
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,256
Too rich for our blood.
449
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,258
We'll lease it to a more profitable company.
450
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,259
But... but...
451
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,261
By the way, where's the cliff?
452
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,784
[music]
453
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,306
[CAN SPRAYING]
454
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,818
Alice, you look a lot...
455
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,319
I was never sick!
456
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:55,320
Yeah, that's what I meant to say.
457
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:02,828
Luckily, everyone seems to be developing an immunity
458
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,329
to the toxic environment.
459
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,831
I guess, as a species
460
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,832
ultimately, we can adapt to anything.
461
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:10,335
Yay for us.
462
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:13,338
Everybody, I'd like to personally welcome you all back
463
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,841
to the new, healthier, old headquarters.
464
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342
How is it healthier?
465
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:19,845
Well, for one thing, we've added warning signs.
466
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:33,358
Hey, everybody... I'm back to my old self.
467
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:34,860
Too bad.
468
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,863
Secondly, we've stocked the first aid kits
469
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,865
with these new wonder drugs.
470
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:43,368
"Plah-see-bos."
471
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:52,377
[music]
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