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"Push the button and see how a giant meteor
2
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caused the extinction of the dinosaurs." Hm.
3
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Until this moment
4
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I had trouble visualizing it.
5
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If aliens helped build the pyramids
6
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where are they now?
7
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Did they just leave?
8
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You know what they say.
9
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History is written by the winners.
10
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Let me out of this damn thing!
11
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Please, someone!
12
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"Push the button to simulate the storm
13
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that brought Amelia Earhart's plane down."
14
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[YELLING]
15
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No! Not again!
16
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Oh, God! Make it stop!
17
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,625
It looks very realistic.
18
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You don't think that's the real Amelia Earhart, do you?
19
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Yes, I think the museum found her on an island
20
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and put her in this exhibit.
21
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Same thing happened to King Kong.
22
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It's not that unusual.
23
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Come on.
24
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All right.
25
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EARHART: Nooooo! Stop!
26
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Above you are the billions of stars
27
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that make up our universe.
28
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Or so we used to think.
29
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We now know those lights
30
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are an armada of alien ships coming to destroy the earth.
31
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Are there any questions?
32
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Yeah. What's a black hole?
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Well, my career would be one example.
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Any other questions?
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Better not ask him anything about Uranus.
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I think I've seen enough.
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There's only so much learning you can pack into one day.
38
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EARHART: No! Confounded little dog!
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Somebody help me for mercy's sake!
40
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[EXPLOSION]
41
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[music]
42
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[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
43
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,751
Can I ask you a question?
44
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,252
That's why I'm here.
45
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,253
Why don't I ever see
46
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,255
any other garbage men in this city?
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It's always you.
48
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I like to work alone.
49
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That's impossible.
50
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,261
One garbage man cannot handle the whole city.
51
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I have shortcuts.
52
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Shortcuts?
53
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:18,765
What possible shortcuts
54
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,266
would let one person handle the whole...?
55
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,768
[RUMBLING AND ELECTRIC CRACKLING]
56
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:27,273
Well, maybe we'll pick this conversation up later.
57
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[music]
58
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So tell me more about the many, many ways
59
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in which the Stuntmaster Six Oh Oh Oh
60
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,791
can give me the workout of a lifetime?
61
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[LECHEROUS CHUCKLE]
62
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Keep rolling! Keep rolling!
63
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,798
Uh-huh.
64
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:58,304
Four easy payments of money will order yours today.
65
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I'm losing consciousness...
66
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And yet I'm still aroused.
67
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[BUZZING]
68
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BOSS: Input, people, input.
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But remember it's already in the can
70
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and we can't change it.
71
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If I may use a sports analogy,
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you've really hit the goalpost on that one.
73
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Yes, I guess I did.
74
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I watched it only once
75
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and already I want to date that model
76
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and suffer a head trauma.
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Why, thank you, Loud Howard.
78
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You humble me.
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I've said it before and I'll say it again...
80
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,338
What?
81
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,340
That's as far as I ever get.
82
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:37,343
Dilbert, you seem strangely silent.
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Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect
84
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,348
and dare I say, awe?
85
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,350
Yes, you could interpret it that way.
86
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,352
I'm blushing now.
87
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But I can't help wondering.
88
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,355
Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves
89
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with the informercial?
90
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:51,858
We haven't even tested
91
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the new version of the Gruntmaster 6000.
92
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We're doing that now.
93
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,362
We're sending it to a typical family
94
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,864
for consumer field testing.
95
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,865
That's impossible.
96
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,366
There's only one version
97
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:02,368
of the new Gruntmaster in existence,
98
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,870
and it's sitting in my design lab.
99
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,876
That thing's not ready for human testing.
100
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,378
We haven't even lab tested the technology.
101
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:13,880
Oh, calm down.
102
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We'll do that after.
103
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,885
The graviton generator alone is very sensitive.
104
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[MOCKING TONE] "The graviton generator alone is very sensitive."
105
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Quit your whining, missy.
106
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[LAUGHING]
107
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I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?
108
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STEPHEN HAWKING: If anyone were foolish enough
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to build a graviton generator,
110
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it would surely create a black hole
111
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that would annihilate the entire solar system.
112
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Well, I don't know what's the worst thing
113
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that could happen,
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00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,410
but when you start distorting the fabric of space and time,
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stretching and enfolding upon itself...
116
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,413
[SNORING]
117
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:53,419
Nice try, but I don't think you bored him quite to death.
118
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,921
Excellent, Dilbert.
119
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:55,922
Nice going, Dil. Just great.
120
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music Camptown ladies Sing this song music
121
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,426
music Doo-dah, doo-dah music
122
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,928
What are you waiting for, ladies?
123
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:02,929
Start singing.
124
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,430
Carol said since he hit his head
125
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he's been talking in his sleep.
126
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,934
Come on, let's get out of here before he wakes up.
127
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,936
Wait. Let's just hear what he says next.
128
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,437
[SNORING]
129
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,438
Boom!
130
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,940
[LAUGHS]
131
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,441
Cooked by explosion.
132
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,444
music When you walk Through a storm music
133
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,447
music Hold your head up high music
134
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,449
Then you'll trip and fall on your ass in the mud.
135
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,951
[SNIFFING]
136
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,453
Is that smoke?
137
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:28,955
Wally, what are you doing?
138
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957
Well, I wanted to make some popcorn,
139
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:31,958
but somebody was using the microwave
140
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,460
and the printer has that heater thing in it
141
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,462
that makes the paper warm, and...
142
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:37,463
[SCREAMS]
143
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,967
Cooked by explosion.
144
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,468
Didn't the boss say that?
145
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,470
Yeah, but he was just babbling.
146
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:45,471
Or was he?
147
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,472
What are you saying,
148
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,974
that he predicted this would happen?
149
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:48,975
I don't know. Am I?
150
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,977
Predicting the future is impossible.
151
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,478
Is it?
152
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:53,980
Yes. It violates causality.
153
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,983
There is no way to know something will occur
154
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,984
until it occurs.
155
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:58,985
Or is there?
156
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,987
If you don't stop asking rhetorical questions
157
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:01,988
I'm going to kill you.
158
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,989
Are you?
159
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,491
On the other hand,
160
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,993
it'd be a pretty big coincidence
161
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:09,495
if the boss just happened to mention an explosion
162
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,496
right before it happened.
163
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:14,000
Alice, I think he's dead.
164
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,501
[COUGHING]
165
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,004
Oh, man, I was in the tunnel.
166
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,505
I neglected to mention
167
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:22,008
the one glitch with the infomercial.
168
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,510
We have to do it all over.
169
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,512
I had to fire the babe.
170
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,513
Why?
171
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,515
Depends whose story you believe.
172
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,516
Mine or the truth.
173
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,019
I feel like I've seen this popcorn before.
174
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,521
This might be a case of deja food.
175
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,524
[WHISTLING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]
176
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,526
DILBERT: I can't believe it.
177
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,029
I can't believe they sent the Gruntmaster out
178
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,531
to some defenseless family for testing.
179
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,534
Do you realize the potential for disaster?
180
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,535
Do you realize--?
181
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,538
The mute button only works on the TV.
182
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,040
It was worth a shot.
183
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,043
We didn't even have the instruction manual written yet.
184
00:07:57,043 --> 00:08:00,046
That graviton generator is a bit unpredictable.
185
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,547
I only hope and pray
186
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:04,050
they found a smart family to test that thing.
187
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,552
Otherwise, we may be in grave trouble.
188
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,563
Eat your possum, Dory Ann,
189
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,565
or you ain't gettin' another one.
190
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067
That tain't no possum, Pa.
191
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,068
That's a raccoon.
192
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,570
It just looks like a raccoon
193
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,572
because of the tire marks.
194
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,075
I believe there's been some mistake.
195
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,076
I forgive you all
196
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,078
and now I must bid you all adieu.
197
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,082
You better hurry up and run him over again.
198
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,584
Are you sassing me, young 'un?
199
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,086
I got half a mind...
200
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,088
You say you got half a mind.
201
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,589
You mind your manners, Lucas
202
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,092
or the Baby Jesus will come down here right now
203
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,094
and beat the living tar out of y'all.
204
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,595
I tain't afraid of no Baby Jesus.
205
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,097
Bring him on.
206
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099
I'll bring him on, you little whippersnapper!
207
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,100
He'll do you what for.
208
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101
He won't neither.
209
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,602
Quiet.
210
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:57,603
[TRUCK APPROACHING]
211
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,107
Get the gun.
212
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,116
Morons.
213
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,117
[SCREAMS]
214
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:16,122
I told you this WAS STOP AND THIS was keep going.
215
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,629
[LAUGHING]
216
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,131
music Pardon me, boy music
217
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,133
music Is that the Chattanooga choo-choo? music
218
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,634
I apologize. Pardon me, sir.
219
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:29,635
Track 29?
220
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,137
Thank you very much.
221
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,638
Dilbert, this is stupid.
222
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,140
He's been talking nonsense for years
223
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
and no one thought he was psychic before.
224
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,144
The only difference now is he has his eyes closed.
225
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,645
Squiddler's patch...
226
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,147
Tay-has.
227
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,648
The darkness engulfs us.
228
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,651
The hole... The hole in space... In time...
229
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:49,155
The void... The abyss from which no light escapes...
230
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,657
From which no life escapes.
231
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,659
music Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee music
232
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,661
music Little brown jug, Oh, you're for me music
233
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
music Fiddle dee dum And fiddle dee dee music
234
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,665
music Little brown jug, Oh, you're for me music
235
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,668
As long as it's filled with plenty of booze.
236
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,172
Let's see what the Skeptic Society has to say about this.
237
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,177
[PHONE RINGING]
238
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,678
MAN: I assume this is Alice,
239
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:16,182
the woman I met at the Skeptic Society dinner.
240
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,683
How did you do that?
241
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,185
That's incredible.
242
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686
[CHUCKLES]
243
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,189
A magician never gives away his secrets.
244
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,191
Well, the reason I called...
245
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,693
Is because you want me to debunk
246
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,196
your boss's alleged psychic claims.
247
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,199
Wow! At least tell me how you did that one.
248
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:35,201
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut. Wish I could.
249
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,203
All right, so when can you get here?
250
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,209
Are you telling me that was a trick too?
251
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,712
Yes, Alice, a good magician can duplicate any trick
252
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,715
done by a so-called psychic or mentalist.
253
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,217
For example, watch this.
254
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,720
[music]
255
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,721
[GROWLING]
256
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,723
Huh? Aaah!
257
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,225
Down! Whoops.
258
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,228
[ELECTRIC SPARKING]
259
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,229
Lucas, if you break it
260
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,731
the Baby Jesus will take you to hell
261
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,234
and burn you like a pork chop for eternity.
262
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,737
[GASPING AND WHIMPERING]
263
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,741
What the...? I ain't never seed...
264
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,743
Lawdy! That don't look right.
265
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,250
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You've just been listening to a song.
266
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,752
I was on the phone, so I have no idea what it was.
267
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:28,254
Now the news.
268
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,755
We take you to our sister station
269
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,757
K That's All We Could Think Of,
270
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,259
Squiddler's Patch, Texas.
271
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,261
[EERIE WHOOSHING]
272
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:37,763
Oh, my God!
273
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,765
My worst fear has come true.
274
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,268
You mean a pregnant spider crawled up your nose
275
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,271
while you were sleeping and laid eggs in your head?
276
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,772
Okay, my second worst fear.
277
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,274
That you'll destroy the world
278
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
with one of your inventions?
279
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,776
Yes.
280
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,278
Dogbert, we've got to go
281
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,280
to Squiddler's Patch immediately.
282
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:05,791
music I dream of Jeannie With the light yeller hair music
283
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:11,797
music Floating like a vapor In the soft summer air music
284
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:12,798
[SNIFFING]
285
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,300
Whoa, that's no vapor.
286
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,304
Wally, don't tell me you've bought into this scam.
287
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,306
It's my ultimate fantasy.
288
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,308
Everyone is bald and poorly dressed.
289
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,809
And if you hadn't noticed,
290
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,312
no one is doing anything that looks like work.
291
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,315
Ah, it's utopia.
292
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,317
Not for long.
293
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,820
I brought a world-famous skeptic to debunk that fraud.
294
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:38,324
Wally, meet The Amazing Rudolph.
295
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,326
Please, call me "The."
296
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,828
I don't do that.
297
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,330
Forget the chitchat. Get to work.
298
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,834
People, I am The Amazing Rudolph
299
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:52,338
and I will show you how easily a skilled magician
300
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:55,841
can reproduce any of these so-called psychic tricks.
301
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,846
All: Ooh... Aah...
302
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,848
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
303
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,350
Whoops.
304
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,851
He's a witch!
305
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:08,354
No, just a skilled illusionist.
306
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:09,855
That is my point.
307
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,357
If you're just an illusionist,
308
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
tell us how you made the bird appear.
309
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,361
A magician never reveals his tricks.
310
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:18,364
I'm bound by the magician's code of ethics.
311
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,865
Well, that's awfully convenient, isn't it?
312
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,368
That sounds like something a witch would say.
313
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,369
Kill the witch!
314
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:30,376
music She was the daughter Of Rosie O'Grady music
315
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:33,379
music A regular Old-fashioned gal music
316
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,381
With one important distinction.
317
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,883
Listen, he wants us to go to Texas
318
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,386
and throw the witch in the black hole.
319
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,388
[ANGRY SHOUTING]
320
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,390
He didn't say that!
321
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,393
I know, but I've always wanted to go to Texas.
322
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
[SPUTTERING]
323
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:52,398
People, I can't give away my trade secrets,
324
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,900
but perhaps I can give you a hint.
325
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,407
All right, I'll tell you!
326
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,409
I'll tell you everything!
327
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,410
Nah, forget it.
328
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,412
Now we'd rather throw you in the hole.
329
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,414
Come on. I ain't got all day.
330
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,933
DILBERT: That's a good sign.
331
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,935
I heard you can tell a place is okay
332
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:30,936
if the truckers eat there.
333
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,443
[BELCHING LOUDLY]
334
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,446
I guess "'scuse me" just ain't gonna cut it.
335
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,947
No.
336
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
So, what can I get you fellers to swaller?
337
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955
Could we see a menu?
338
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,957
This ain't Paris, boy.
339
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,459
Okay. Give us two
340
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,461
of whatever you've touched the least.
341
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,463
Two soaps.
342
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,964
Make that one.
343
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:00,966
Hey...
344
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968
What's happening to my cup?
345
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,470
Hey, what the...?
346
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:13,979
Hey, Eustas.
347
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,981
What's making everything all stretchy?
348
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,984
I ain't paying for this here gas.
349
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:22,488
I'd say Squiddler's Patch is thattaway.
350
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,496
I'll meet you at the black hole.
351
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,998
I think we need some help.
352
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:42,007
[music]
353
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,513
Professor Stephen Hawking, please.
354
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,514
[SIGHS]
355
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,015
Sign here, if you would.
356
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,019
Thank you.
357
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,522
Send up Professor Hawking straightaway.
358
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,023
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Here he comes.
359
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:59,024
[SLIDING AND THUD]
360
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,526
Here you are...
361
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,529
One Nobel-prize-winning Lucasian professor of mathematics,
362
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,031
expert on all astrophysical phenomena
363
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,533
and black holes in particular.
364
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,535
Hello, Dogbert.
365
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:10,536
Hey, Steve.
366
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,537
Will there be anything else?
367
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,539
How do I move him around?
368
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,040
Oh...terribly sorry.
369
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,041
Just use this.
370
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:40,566
REPORTERS: Dilbert! Over here! Mr. Dilbert!
371
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:44,069
I'll answer any engineering or scientific questions
372
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,071
about the black hole phenomenon.
373
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,072
Has anyone famous
374
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:50,576
ever had sexual relations near a black hole?
375
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,077
Not that I know of.
376
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,579
Then you don't deny
377
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,081
that someone famous has had sexual relations
378
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,082
near a black hole?
379
00:16:57,082 --> 00:17:00,586
Does anyone have a question about the science?
380
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:01,587
There's nothing here.
381
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,114
Wow! You're Stephen Hawking!
382
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,616
I read your book.
383
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,619
Did you buy it or read it in the library?
384
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,120
I think I borrowed it.
385
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,122
You cheap bastard.
386
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,624
Boys, please.
387
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,125
Can we focus on this black hole problem?
388
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,627
There is no rush.
389
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:45,130
As long as nothing disturbs the singularity,
390
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:48,133
the hole will grow very slowly.
391
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:51,136
[SCREAMING]
392
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,640
We're screwed.
393
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,642
Come on, Wally. Dance with us.
394
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,143
I don't hold hands.
395
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,145
I'm only in it for fashion reasons.
396
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:01,647
Come on!
397
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,648
Ohhh....
398
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,650
[GROUP CHANTING AND PLAYING TAMBOURINE]
399
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,655
WALLY: Wow. I've never felt so alive.
400
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,160
Check that. Oh...
401
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,161
Wally!
402
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:18,664
Wally is gone!
403
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,165
Don't thank me.
404
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,167
Thank the black hole.
405
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,170
Someone must go into the singularity
406
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,673
and stop whatever caused the black hole
407
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:28,674
in the first place.
408
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,176
It's a simple case of wormhole travel
409
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,178
using a shortcut in space-time.
410
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,182
Well, you listen, you pick up a few things.
411
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,684
But he was my friend!
412
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,185
It's all my fault.
413
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:42,187
I caused this to happen.
414
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,689
I'm going in after him.
415
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,694
Isn't anyone going to stop me?
416
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,696
No. Go ahead. Jump.
417
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,697
MAN 3: Knock yourself out.
418
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,701
Just...let me get my breath.
419
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,202
This is a big step.
420
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,704
DILBERT: Lots of unknowns.
421
00:18:58,704 --> 00:18:59,705
[WHEELS SQUEALING]
422
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,206
Peril beyond belief.
423
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,708
One small step for...
424
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,710
[HOLLERING]
425
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:07,713
BOSS: Dilbert?
426
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,715
You seem strangely silent.
427
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:13,218
Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect
428
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:15,220
and, dare I say, awe?
429
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,723
Yes, you could interpret it that way.
430
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,725
Oh...I'm blushing now.
431
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:20,726
But I can't help wondering
432
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,728
aren't we getting ahead of ourselves
433
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:23,729
with the infomercial?
434
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,731
We haven't even tested the new version
435
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,232
of the Gruntmaster 6000.
436
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,233
We're doing that now.
437
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,735
We're sending it to a typical family
438
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,236
for consumer field-testing.
439
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,237
That's impossible!
440
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,740
There's only one...
441
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,741
It's in my...
442
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,242
Would you excuse me?
443
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,766
[PHONE RINGS]
444
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:01,767
Yes?
445
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,268
The door's locked?
446
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,270
Oh, well, in that case...
447
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,774
[SNORES LOUDLY]
448
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:13,278
music Shine on, shine on Harvest moon music
449
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
music Up in the sky music
450
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,783
music I ain't had No lovin' since... music
451
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,785
[MUMBLING]
452
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,787
January 30, 1955?!
453
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,288
Huh.
454
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,293
...and the farmer's daughter
455
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:31,296
says, "I see you've met my cat."
456
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,298
[LAUGHING] [ELECTRONIC LAUGH]
457
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,300
Hey, what's so funny?
458
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,301
Nothing.
459
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:37,803
Is it garbage day again?
460
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,305
It's always garbage day somewhere.
461
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:42,808
Professor Hawking?
462
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,309
What are you doing here?
463
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:47,312
Isn't this several thousand miles out of your way?
464
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:50,315
Actually, it's a shortcut.
465
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:51,817
A shortcut?
466
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,319
My street is a shortcut to England?
467
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:55,320
Yes.
468
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,822
Will somebody explain to me
469
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:57,823
what's going on?
470
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,824
No. No. No.
471
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,329
Hey, I've got a copy of your book in my trunk.
472
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,330
Would you mind signing it?
473
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,331
I already signed it.
474
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,833
No, you didn't.
475
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,334
It's locked in my trunk.
476
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,838
I'll wager five dollars I already signed it.
477
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,341
You're on.
478
00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:37,362
Hmm.
479
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:42,367
The joke's on him.
480
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:44,369
He'll never be able to collect the five.
481
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,875
You didn't really think you'd win a bet
482
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,376
with a Nobel-prize-winning
483
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,378
Lucasian professor of mathematics?
484
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,381
At least I didn't pay for his stupid book.
485
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:05,891
[music]
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